Words of Reflection
During Lent we come face-to-face with parts of ourselves we would rather ignore. As difficult as it is, it’s a beautiful work of the Spirit as we allow God to graciously reveal to us where we are still in need of forgiveness and healing, those places we have attempted to hide out of shame and regret. As the saying goes, “God loves us just the way we are, but he loves us too much to leave us that way.” Lent is a time when that truth becomes real in penetrating and transformative ways.
But as the Spirit probes our soul, we often find that it is not just sin that comes to the surface, not just a rebellious streak or a willful spirit. Sometimes, as we are brought to deeper places of honesty within ourselves, we come face-to-face with something we know is there but are maybe even less willing to admit: doubt.
As painful as it is to reckon with our sin, it is at least something we know we all struggle with. Paul knew the struggle and wrote about it. Jesus was fully human and isn’t shocked at all that we deal with it. Sin doesn’t come as a surprise. But doubt is a different animal. In many Christian circles doubt is seen as a unique spiritual weakness and fault, one we are shamed into denying should it ever rear its ugly head. How many of our churches are filled with people secretly struggling with seasons of doubt who are afraid to admit it, who then put on a mask of “everything is great” when around their church friends and family, the very people who should be most open to walking alongside us in those times?
The Bible doesn’t shy away from doubt and struggle. Think of all the people in Scripture who wrestled with their faith, people we tend to look to as heroes like Moses, Gideon, Abraham, and Sarah, to name a few…and yet we don’t condemn them for their uncertainty. King David wrestled with his faith on more than one occasion, and of course we have Thomas, the doubter who was no less beloved, who church tradition tells us spread the faith far and wide in the days of the early church.
Doubt is not defeat. As the 19th century Scottish evangelist Henry Drummond said:
“Doubt is looking for light.”
Doubt is looking for light. It’s acknowledging the places in our lives where the light doesn’t make sense right now, or where the light is simply hard to see. We can be brutally honest with Jesus about our doubt, just as we’re brutally honest about our sin. It is not failure to acknowledge doubt, it is failure to ignore it. We can learn a good lesson from the despairing father who said to Jesus in Mark chapter 9:
“I believe; help my unbelief!”—Mark 9:24 (NRSV)
As we make our way to Jerusalem with Jesus, we may even find ourselves doubting the journey itself. Whatever the doubt we’re struggling with, we begin to find the answers when we choose to acknowledge it and name it before the one who, as he did with Thomas, will meet us there and turn those doubts into places of encounter and worship.
Scripture for Meditation:
“For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
—1 Corinthians 13:12 (NIV)
Song: I Believe Help My Unbelief Part 2 (lyrics here)
Questions for Reflection
“I believe…help my unbelief.” When in your life have you most resonated with those words? If your answer to that question is, “Right now,” are you able to hear Christ’s invitation to name your doubts honestly and without shame? Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum of faith and doubt, spend some time in prayer acknowledging to God where it is most difficult.
Are there people in the biblical narrative who have helped you understand doubt and wrestling with faith? What about their story impacted you?
As we think about Jesus, “the fullness of the Godhead knit with our humanity,” what can in we find in his divine nature that can help us be honest about our doubts and struggles? What can we find in his human nature that can do the same?