During Lent we come face-to-face with parts of ourselves we would rather ignore. As difficult as it is, it’s a beautiful work of the Spirit as we allow God to graciously reveal to us where we are still in need of forgiveness and healing, those places we have attempted to hide out of shame and regret. As the saying goes, “God loves us just the way we are, but he loves us too much to leave us that way.” Lent is a time when that truth becomes real in penetrating and transformative ways.
But as the Spirit probes our soul, we often find that it is not just sin that comes to the surface, not just a rebellious streak or a willful spirit. Sometimes, as we are brought to deeper places of honesty within ourselves, we come face-to-face with something we know is there but are maybe even less willing to admit: doubt.
As painful as it is to reckon with our sin, it is at least something we know we all struggle with. Paul knew the struggle and wrote about it. Jesus was fully human and isn’t shocked at all that we deal with it. Sin doesn’t come as a surprise. But doubt is a different animal. In many Christian circles doubt is seen as a unique spiritual weakness and fault, one we are shamed into denying should it ever rear its ugly head. How many of our churches are filled with people secretly struggling with seasons of doubt who are afraid to admit it, who then put on a mask of “everything is great” when around their church friends and family, the very people who should be most open to walking alongside us in those times?
When Christians talk about doubt in the Bible, they tend to focus on the parts that paint it as something to be denied and discouraged. They quote James 1:6, or they point to the person whose doubt was memorably recorded in Scripture, and our subsequent reading about it in a negative light ended up changing the way we remember him forever—Thomas. Never mind that Thomas wasn’t the only disciple to question the resurrection of Jesus—the others also didn’t believe until he appeared to them. In fact Thomas should probably be commended for being brave enough to name his doubts and confront them head on.
There are others in the Bible who doubted as well, people we tend to look to as heroes of the faith. Moses, Gideon, Abraham, and Sarah, to name a few…and yet we don’t condemn them for their uncertainty. It is not failure to acknowledge doubt, it is failure to ignore it. We can learn a good lesson from the despairing father who said to Jesus in Mark chapter 9:
“I believe; help my unbelief!”
—Mark 9:24 (NRSV)
As we make our way to Jerusalem with Jesus, we may even find ourselves doubting the journey itself. Whatever the doubt we’re struggling with, we begin to find the answers when we choose to acknowledge it and name it before the one who, as he did with Thomas, will meet us there and turn those doubts into places of encounter and worship.
When I'm far you still hold me close
All the things I don't understand
All the questions inside my head
I bring it all to you once again
Read the rest of the lyrics here.
Questions for Reflection
1) “I believe…help my unbelief.” When in your life have you most resonated with those words? If your answer to that question is, “Right now,” are you able to hear Christ’s invitation to name your doubts honestly and without shame? Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum of faith and doubt, spend some time in prayer acknowledging to God where it is most difficult.
2) Spend some time contemplating this quote from Tim Keller:
“A faith without some doubts is like a human body without any antibodies in it. People who blithely go through life too busy or indifferent to ask hard questions about why they believe as they do will find themselves defenseless against either the experience of tragedy or the probing questions of a smart skeptic. A person's faith can collapse almost overnight if she has failed over the years to listen patiently to her own doubts, which should only be discarded after long reflection.”
3) Read and reflect on this verse. Let it lead you into prayerful worship and gratitude:
“When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.”
—Psalm 94:19 (NLT)